Wednesday, April 14, 2010

im starting to think that its a fact.... blogging can only be done at weird hours of the night!

SO as you may or may not know.... or may or may not care... depending on who is reading this lol, I WILL BE RETURNING TO BROCKPORT IN THE FALL!

that previous sentence makes my head spin and my heart race, and my emotions go a little crazy. This is probably as shocking to you as it is to me. Because honestly, before a few weeks ago, this was not an option in my mind. I guess that just goes to show you that Gods timing is not our timing and the way we see things, aren't always the way He sees things. The past few weeks things have been up in the air, doors have been opened and doors have been shut. If you asked me a month ago where I was gunna be in the fall, I would have said at the UMKC, so i could be at IHOP. But after praying about it and really seeking Gods heart about the matter, and having some really great friends to vent and bounce ideas off of, things have changed once again! Dont get me wrong, I really do feel led to IHOP.... but in a different way that I had thought. I want to go there to be able to feel what it's like to have the overwhelming presence of God in the very room that your in 24/7. I want to see the things the Lord is doing there, and I want to taste it for myself... I want to recieve a impartation of that and bring it out to other places. Because I suppose in the beginning, I thought that I wouldnt see/feel any of that anywhere but IHOP.... but then I felt so convicted, because I was putting God in a box. Yes God is moving so strongly in Kansas City.... but that is just the beginning. God Knows no borders, he has no limits. If he can move in Kansas City like that, He can, HE WANTS TO and HE WILL move like that in other parts of the nation and the world. He is going to. So after that hit me smack in the face, I realized I wasnt going to UMKC for the right reasons, I wasnt going there for an education... I was using that school to persuade my mom to let me go....So I started asking God where he wanted me. And after feeling really confused and frustrated about it... One day i was talking to my mom, and she said had mentioned, why not go back to brockport?... in case you missed it... let me rewind... my mom.... wanted me.... to go back.... to the place she never wanted me... in the first place. weird. that deff through me for a loop. and my first gut instinct was no absolutely not. But then all through that week... brockport kept coming to mind. and as if i wasnt confused enough in the beginning, now I really thought i was losing my marbles haha.
Because looking back on it, It was Totally the Lord who brought me home. And I cannot even begin to express how thankful I am for this season that I am currently in. It has been one of the most amazing things ever to witness... God has just been constantly blowing me away. And has completely restored me in many ways.. and has just touched my heart, and so many people around me. It was... and still is a time of learning, healing, growing, pain, and joy. so when returning to brockport was an option... I was confused because I know I know I know, it was God who brought me out.... and I didnt want to step out of his will.... and I didnt know that if by going back to the place where he brought me out of was the best idea. But like I said before... This has been such a crazy season, that I feel like a completely new person. and im not just saying that to be all cliche... but I really do. And when I left brockport, i was so utterly broken, miserable, confused, depressed and just Defeated. But God has restored me and renewed me. He has made me for victory. He has given me the strength, and the courage, and the confidence and the boldness to be who he has called me to be. And he has trained my hands for battle. ( btw psalm 18... the whole thing.... boom. crazy good stuff. i just read it again now... and whooaaaa.)
He just loves brockport so much.... and I just feel like things are gunna change drastically there.... even more than they already are. People are gunna be awakened. He is calling people to stand for him and to run after him. He wants to bring his fire to brockport.... theres no question there.... the question is... how badly do we want it?!. and I want it. Like i really WANT IT. so for that I am totalllllly excited to see what the Lord has instore for me in brockport... I have no doubt in my mind that it is going to be anything less than excellent.
But at the same time i cannot ignore the ache in my heart for long island. Because while being home for the past 4 months have been so fulfilling. I have learnded a greater love for this place, for my town, for my family, for my church. O my gosh my Church. These people are no joke! It is so crazy to see all that God is doing here, just in my church alone, True north is literally changing long island right before my eyes and it is beyond beautiful. And for the first time, I have been able to really plug in and get involved.... to jump right into it. Ive been volunteering and greeting at services... that I had no idea would bless me as much as it has. I just love serving.... its so much fun! and i had no idea! haha... and i also joined a college age girls community group ( pretty much same as life group) and these girls have such a huge place in my heart its not even funny. There is such a strong sense of love and connection in our group, that I have never expierenced before. Week after week, I am just so beyond blessed to see and hear how God is moving and CHANGING their lives drastically. To see so many people, come from completely different backgrounds and be so open minded.... its really amazing how much you can learn from people, and how much insight people have... okay im done getting all mushy about it.. ahah sorry i just got home from it so its still all in my mind lol.... but anyway the point was that for the longest time I was going to church there, but never made much of a connection or had much fellowship, and now I have. and its been so life changing. That church is going places....making huge steps in the advancement of Gods kingdom and its sooooo cooooool to be a part of it. And heres the place where my heart just breaks, and tears fill my eyes every time i think about leaving it =(
But I believe that God will work everything out for good. so ill be continuing to wait on him, and see where this all plays out.... but i just wanted to keep yall updated. =)