Saturday, May 8, 2010

Cast your cares upon me, For I care for you....

Thats a simple sentence right?! Cast your cares on the Lord, because he cares for us...
Its so short and simple... but yet I find it so hard to do. I find it very interesting how one day you can stand so strong so firm, so unshakable... But then the very next day the enemy is coming at you ten times harder and from 3 other directions. But still even when that happens, when that worry comes and that anxiety fills our minds, all we need to do is Cast our cares on him, Because the Lord cares for us, and knows exactly what we need to get to where we need to be. He wont let us fail, he wont let us fall behind. Even when we cant walk, he'll carry us. This is one of those concepts that I still cant wrap my head around fully, its just so beautiful.
But with the semester winding down, and finals approaching and a increasingly busy work schedule, and being pulled in a million directions the past week, I have allowed myself to fall into the trap of anxiety and worry. And I believe that those two things, worry and anxiety, are one of his biggest weapons, because the more time he can get us to worry about things, the more were going to delay in actually doing something. And by worrying we aren't being productive, and we cant add a single hour to our lives by worrying, but infact we actually waste years of our lives worrying, and it makes me sick to think of how much of my own life I have wasted by this.
All of this made me realize that I need to have more faith. I have such little faith in God that I doubted if he could carry me through this hectic week, I got myself so stressed out, and so worried about it that i was grabbing for control and in tears everyday.... stressing about how I was going to get everything done. When really what I needed to be doing was praying about it and asking God to give me the wisdom and guidance on what to do, I needed to cast my cares upon him. if were honest with ourselves we would see that the The amount of worry in our life directly corralates to how much faith we have. And it really humbled me to see that I really worry about so much, so much stuff that God has promised meet. And who am I to question God?!
So my prayer for myself and everyone else, is our faith to increase and our worry to decrease. That we would see the Lord as our faithful witness, The one who won't fail us, the One who is and always will be there for us.. The God of heaven and Earth will provide for us in ways we couldnt of even dreamed of, and all he asks is that we come and sit at his feet and trust him. Know that he is good. As soon as we step back and put things back into focus, and replace our worry with prayer, and place our eyes on Jesus, everything will fall back into place.... even if it doesnt always make sense to us.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

im starting to think that its a fact.... blogging can only be done at weird hours of the night!

SO as you may or may not know.... or may or may not care... depending on who is reading this lol, I WILL BE RETURNING TO BROCKPORT IN THE FALL!

that previous sentence makes my head spin and my heart race, and my emotions go a little crazy. This is probably as shocking to you as it is to me. Because honestly, before a few weeks ago, this was not an option in my mind. I guess that just goes to show you that Gods timing is not our timing and the way we see things, aren't always the way He sees things. The past few weeks things have been up in the air, doors have been opened and doors have been shut. If you asked me a month ago where I was gunna be in the fall, I would have said at the UMKC, so i could be at IHOP. But after praying about it and really seeking Gods heart about the matter, and having some really great friends to vent and bounce ideas off of, things have changed once again! Dont get me wrong, I really do feel led to IHOP.... but in a different way that I had thought. I want to go there to be able to feel what it's like to have the overwhelming presence of God in the very room that your in 24/7. I want to see the things the Lord is doing there, and I want to taste it for myself... I want to recieve a impartation of that and bring it out to other places. Because I suppose in the beginning, I thought that I wouldnt see/feel any of that anywhere but IHOP.... but then I felt so convicted, because I was putting God in a box. Yes God is moving so strongly in Kansas City.... but that is just the beginning. God Knows no borders, he has no limits. If he can move in Kansas City like that, He can, HE WANTS TO and HE WILL move like that in other parts of the nation and the world. He is going to. So after that hit me smack in the face, I realized I wasnt going to UMKC for the right reasons, I wasnt going there for an education... I was using that school to persuade my mom to let me go....So I started asking God where he wanted me. And after feeling really confused and frustrated about it... One day i was talking to my mom, and she said had mentioned, why not go back to brockport?... in case you missed it... let me rewind... my mom.... wanted me.... to go back.... to the place she never wanted me... in the first place. weird. that deff through me for a loop. and my first gut instinct was no absolutely not. But then all through that week... brockport kept coming to mind. and as if i wasnt confused enough in the beginning, now I really thought i was losing my marbles haha.
Because looking back on it, It was Totally the Lord who brought me home. And I cannot even begin to express how thankful I am for this season that I am currently in. It has been one of the most amazing things ever to witness... God has just been constantly blowing me away. And has completely restored me in many ways.. and has just touched my heart, and so many people around me. It was... and still is a time of learning, healing, growing, pain, and joy. so when returning to brockport was an option... I was confused because I know I know I know, it was God who brought me out.... and I didnt want to step out of his will.... and I didnt know that if by going back to the place where he brought me out of was the best idea. But like I said before... This has been such a crazy season, that I feel like a completely new person. and im not just saying that to be all cliche... but I really do. And when I left brockport, i was so utterly broken, miserable, confused, depressed and just Defeated. But God has restored me and renewed me. He has made me for victory. He has given me the strength, and the courage, and the confidence and the boldness to be who he has called me to be. And he has trained my hands for battle. ( btw psalm 18... the whole thing.... boom. crazy good stuff. i just read it again now... and whooaaaa.)
He just loves brockport so much.... and I just feel like things are gunna change drastically there.... even more than they already are. People are gunna be awakened. He is calling people to stand for him and to run after him. He wants to bring his fire to brockport.... theres no question there.... the question is... how badly do we want it?!. and I want it. Like i really WANT IT. so for that I am totalllllly excited to see what the Lord has instore for me in brockport... I have no doubt in my mind that it is going to be anything less than excellent.
But at the same time i cannot ignore the ache in my heart for long island. Because while being home for the past 4 months have been so fulfilling. I have learnded a greater love for this place, for my town, for my family, for my church. O my gosh my Church. These people are no joke! It is so crazy to see all that God is doing here, just in my church alone, True north is literally changing long island right before my eyes and it is beyond beautiful. And for the first time, I have been able to really plug in and get involved.... to jump right into it. Ive been volunteering and greeting at services... that I had no idea would bless me as much as it has. I just love serving.... its so much fun! and i had no idea! haha... and i also joined a college age girls community group ( pretty much same as life group) and these girls have such a huge place in my heart its not even funny. There is such a strong sense of love and connection in our group, that I have never expierenced before. Week after week, I am just so beyond blessed to see and hear how God is moving and CHANGING their lives drastically. To see so many people, come from completely different backgrounds and be so open minded.... its really amazing how much you can learn from people, and how much insight people have... okay im done getting all mushy about it.. ahah sorry i just got home from it so its still all in my mind lol.... but anyway the point was that for the longest time I was going to church there, but never made much of a connection or had much fellowship, and now I have. and its been so life changing. That church is going places....making huge steps in the advancement of Gods kingdom and its sooooo cooooool to be a part of it. And heres the place where my heart just breaks, and tears fill my eyes every time i think about leaving it =(
But I believe that God will work everything out for good. so ill be continuing to wait on him, and see where this all plays out.... but i just wanted to keep yall updated. =)

Thursday, March 25, 2010


i thought id share some songs that have really been moving me and compelling my heart lately....

take me in - kutless

Burn for you - Fee

this song sung by matt gilman based off of psalm 119

worth it all - rita springer

my soul longs for you- misty edwards

so good to me - Cory asbury

your river it rushes to the lowest place - laura hackett

okay sorry that was soo many lol but they are all just soo good i couldnt leave any of them out. i highly encourage you to listen to them all. and be blessed by them!!!! =)

Wednesday, March 17, 2010


Can I just say, how happy and thankful I am that it was so nice out today!!! it was absolutly beautiful out, the sun was shining, the sky was blue, everyone was out enjoying the sun, and going about their st. Pattys day traditions. And I realized how much true beauty there is in days like this. And as I watched the people walk around, i was wondering if they found that beauty too. If they saw the beauty in the sun, and the clouds, the birds, the little kids running outside, the flowers that are slowly but surely blooming. I wondered if they knew the true creator of it all. and my heart ached for them. Because I can remember the times when a beautiful day like this would roll around and I would take it so much for granted. I would just pass it by like any other day. But now days like these are a reminder to me. They remind me that God, creator of heaven and earth, is real, is powerful, is loving, and is bigger than I could ever imagine.
And today, as Tara and I drove (top down of course ;) ) down to the water, and sat there, and as I was trying to find shapes in the clouds, I found hope.
I found hope. A hope that told me that everything is going to work out for good. A hope that told me beauty is in everything, i just need to look a little harder sometimes. Because before beautiful sunny days like this come, theres always the cold dark stormy ones. And sometimes those stormy days can cause damage, things can be pressed, things can be struck down. But we can stand firm in the Lord, because we know that we might be pressed on all sides, but we wont be crushed, we can be struck down, but not destroyed.
I was reminded about all of this, because theres been times in the past few weeks, that I would get so anxious and so stressed and upset about what im going to be doing in the fall. and not knowing, and having completely different ideas as my mom about what i should do. and not wanting to make the wrong decision. and ive been finding it hard to remove myself, and my wants, and my needs and to replace them with Gods wants and Gods ideas, and his will, and not mine. I need to be reminded that with God in control it WILL work out. and its the times when im in control that it goes bad. haha. so true.

" you said there would be joy in the laying down.
you said there would joy in the letting go.
you said there would be joy in the giving up my life.
your river it rushes to the lowest place,
come and rush over me, come and rush over me.
I bow down, I get low, I open up my heart to receive your love."

Friday, March 5, 2010

called to love

once again, its almost 3am.... but this time i was all comfy in my bed barely awake but then my mind got to thinking, and my heart began smiling.... so here I am. And let me just say, that I am still so blown away by all that the Lord is doing in me, my friends, my town, this nation... its so insane, and I still want more. the aching in my heart for more of his presence increases everyday. Just the other day I was thinking that right now, I am in the best place in my life that I think i have ever been in, but at the same time, I am more desperate than ever. I need God in my life more and more everyday. desperate for an encounter, in anyway, whether it be a intense prayer time, a sunny day, having a bible study with my best friend, just sitting quietly waiting on the Lord, getting touched while watching the IHOP webstream, or getting completely and utterly overwhelmed with Joy. everyday I am learning more and more that without Him I am Nothing. Recently, i have really been ( for the first time) feeling called to something, something much much bigger than myself. Feeling called to work for the Kingdom. I know that in the bible, the great commission calls us all as christians to go tell the nations of the good news, But i know that for the longest time I thought that that wasnt "my calling". and i think a good amount of christians today believe this too, that it just isnt "my gift", or that we arent good enough speakers.... and for anyone who knows me, you know that public speaking of any kind is like my worst nightmare.... but anywho i think you know where im going with this...but all of those are just excuses, fears that the enemy has planted in our minds to get us to waste time. and it works! I believe that one of the biggest tools that the enemy uses is to get us to waste time in persueing the kingdom of God, to make us distracted. Me and my friend tara, have recently started taking a evangelism class together, and it has been such a blessing to the both of us. it has opened a lot of oppertunities for us to gain confidence and to boldly be able to share our faith with others. Something that just a FEW WEEKS AGO, just the thought of doing would make me anxious and almost sick to my stomach with nerves, but now has almost turned into a everyday occurence. I cannot tell you how many nights at starbucks have ended up with having real. deep. meaningful conversations about Jesus, with complete strangers. Its so cool to see, because theres been a few times that me and tara would be just sitting at a table talking amongst ourselves, or reading our bibles together or something and people have come up to us asking questions and starting the conversations! its soo awesome! Its so amazing how God will and really wants to move through each one of us. And i am so thankful that God doesnt call us to be perfect, but to have a willing heart. If you are willing to partner with his heart then he is more than willing and more than able to move in really powerful ways!

=) =) =)

Friday, February 19, 2010

MORE MORE MORE (continued)

I have tasted freedom. I have tasted Joy. I have tasted Love.
I have tasted these things and have realized what I am fighting for.... what I am living for. I have been sooooo overwhelmed with joy and have had such a strong sense of peace lately.... and to think that this is all just a TASTE.... This is all just a small piece of what Gods love really is like. He has so much that he wants to offer us and to pour out on us. this is just the beginning... the beginning of the beginning.
I do not want crumbs... or something to snack on... I want the full blown three course meal with dessert. I want the banquet. =)
Im longing for a raging fire that consumes me... every part of me. I dont want your average camp fire, I want a enormous forest fire that is so contagious and affects everything in its path.

The colors are more vibrant
The sun is shining brighter
The snow holds more beauty
The water is more refreshing
The wind is less harsh
The grass is greener
The oceans are calmer
The nights are less restless
The days are more joyful
The dreams are more vivid
The birds fly higher
The people are waking.

Thursday, February 18, 2010