Friday, January 16, 2009

taking over.

Taking over.

These are slowly taking over me.
The lies seem so much louder
I cry out, but feel as if no one hears.
I feel as if the devil is singing over me, never letting go. His grip is getting tighter, leaving me gasping for air. The more I fight him, the tighter he squeezes.
I need him to let go, let me be, I want to be free.
I want to believe in Gods love.
I want to believe that I was meant to live for more.
I want to have a pure heart. I want to have clean hands.

I want to fully rest in Him
I want to truly believe.
But I cant let go.
Theres a free gift in front of me… for me, and yet I can’t take it.
I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you.
Why do you want me? Why would anyone want me?
This gift, so beautiful,
I reach for it, open a little piece of it, and then it gets snatched from me.
I let it sift through my hands
Time after time.
I want to be a shining star in the sky… I want to shine.
My light is dim, desperately trying to overcome the darkness.
I want to be used for a purpose, I want to help others.
But how can I help others when I cant even help myself.
I cant do this myself.
Im alone, theres a crowd of people around me yet I am alone.
I know your there. But I cant find you. Show yourself to me.
Im begging. You’re my last and only hope.

I am called to be strong, but I am so weak.
I fight for control,(WHY??!!)

I don’t have it and never will.
I want to let go.
Its so hard.
To let go.
That’s what I want.
But im stuck in the raging tides, pulling me away from the shore, slowly drifting.
Im that bug that never learns its lesson, flying towards that bright shiny light.
Flying towards my death.
FIGHT! Turn around. Go back. Don’t leave.
Fight temptation, every second, everyday.
I don’t want to drown.
Redeem this mess I call a life.
Redeem me.
Make me whole.

Save me.
Take baby steps.
Have Faith.
Its not going to be easy, life isn’t easy.
I don’t want to be alone in this.
I cannot do it on my own.
I need you.
I need you.
But I feel so far.
How did I let you get so far from me?
Come back.
Im running to you.
Im running away.
I cant stay.
I want to stay and never move.
But I cant.
Am I choosing fear or faith?

Take away the people, take away the music.
Take away the church.
All that’s left is me and you.
What do I have to show?
I can talk of you but not to you.
I feel foolish.
I am the fool.
I have nothing to lose, and yet I have e v e r y t h i n g to lose.
Im so confused.
How do I get there?
To you.
I want to be with you.
To hear your voice to see your face
To hear you call my name.

I have h o p e.
This is my prayer.
I hope you hear me.

.help me over take them.


Theresa said...

I really like your blog. It is very creative and thought provoking. :)