Thursday, February 5, 2009

new semester, new start!....?

Lately, im feeling things that i never thought i would be able to feel.
Lately, im noticing that some of the things that have been holding me down, hurting me so much, are being loosened.... there still there, but not nearly as strong. Im honestly kind of in shock. Things that i have been praying for so long that they would be healed,Things that i was ready to just give up on....there being healed. God is slowly but surely revealing himself to me, when i thought he never would.
This is so exciting to me....but at the same time, im still terrified.
I want to be open, I want to be ready, I want to be able to hear, be able and ready to respond.
But I can only let myself go so far, before I shut down.
I can only let myself feel so much at a time.
I want things to be good, really i do...But im scared to let them be good, because if there good, they can go bad.... again.....
I find myself focusing so much on the past, to make sure it doesnt repeat its self, but by doing this im taking myself out of the present... I dont want to miss anything in front of me becuase im too busy looking behind.
How come i can realize this but still have no idea what to do with it?!
I've been thinking about this a lot lately.... and came across this....

"i was regretting the past and fearing the future. suddenly my Lord was with me,
"my name is I AM, HE SAID"
he paused, i waited, he continued..
"when you focus on your past, with all its regrets and failures, it is hard. I AM not there. My name is not 'i was'
when you focus on your future, with all its' uncertainty, it is hard too. I AM not there. my name is not 'i will be'
when you live in the moment, it is easy.
I AM here. My name is I AM.



Kendralee* said...

YOU.. you.. <3.
He has you, dear 'rinny.. oh, how He has you and holds you..
and He's so proud to call you His..