Saturday, February 14, 2009

okay im gunna be a little selfish here... : /

I have just one question for *you.....
Why was i not worthy of your love and your time?
Why did you leave, and never look back?
Why do I think about you all the time, when you never gave me a second thought?
Why was it so easy for you to walk away?
Why could you move on, and here i am, stuck in the same spot?
Why cant this make sense to me?.
Why cant i get the answers that i deserve?
Why was I a regret, and something that you had to leave, rather than something that you cherished?
Why can you love those other kids, that arent even yours when you have two of your own?
Why do I hate you, even tho you didnt ever give the chance?
Just please, explain to me why?

Sometimes i feel so dumb for wondering these things.... why should i waste my time on someone who never gave two s---- about me? Sometimes i wonder what you think about when October third rolls around.... i wonder if you think of me, if you even remember my name?....or if to you its just another day. I dont understand... i just dont, and i might never understand....

I dont understand how your parents are the people in your life that are never suppose to leave, but you were the first one gone.

"Im forced to fake a smile a laugh every day of my life,
my heart cant possibly break when it wasnt even whole to start with.
because of you i never strayed too far ffrom the side walk.
because of you i learned to play on the safe side so i dont get hurt.
Because of you i find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me,
because of you i am afraid. "

" and now i cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing.....
Because of you, i never strayed to far from the sidewalk,
because of you i learned toplay on the safe side so i dont get hurt because of you i try my hardest just to forget everything
because of you i dont know how to let anyone else in
because of you im ashamed of my life because its empty...... "

Sometimes I get really upsett because i feel like i really missed out on something.... but really when i think about it, your the one who missed out...So "dad" i hope your happy now....I'll be praying for you....